Get all 14 yujin13 releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of last wish., yujin13. (sunday), yujin13. (sun), yujin13. (ghost), yujin13. (clouds), yujin13. (rain), yujin13. (tower), yujin13. (wall), and 6 more.
1. |
a new year.
01:54
|
|||
|
awkward situations seemed to find their way to me
imagining what could have been; regretting what will never be.
analyzing every second, counting every breath
sweaty palms, a racing heart, and strong yearning for death
to strike me down and take me from this momentary agony...
am i too content with this familiarity?
this person that i know is there just waiting to burst out of me.
this confidence inside is something i must show.
i long for the day when i'm the first to say "hello."
preoccupied with arguments between me, myself and i.
a subtle underlying of unwillingness to try.
fearing what is thought to be an unrequited love.
but from the very bottom, the only option is to rise above...
what is it that i want? who do i want to be?
will i tear down these walls i've built so you can really see
just who i really am, this person that's inside?
staring straight back at this world, there's no reason to hide...
i will not be satisfied with familiarity
and if i make mistakes i know that i am who i want to be.
i have nothing to prove to you (but) there's one thing that i know:
today's the day that i will be the first to say
"hello."
|
||||
2. |
a better place.
03:03
|
|||
|
i tried so hard to bring you to a better place
and all i wanted to see was a joyful look upon your face.
an utterance of praise is all i want to hear
but these words just proved to be insincere.
how could you say i didn't love you?
i never put myself above you.
i sacrificed myself; i want you to go far.
i hope you're happy where you are.
i welcomed you with open arms.
i never meant to cause you harm.
a hardened heart is what i get for unrelenting warmth?
listen to me, please : i want you to know one thing before you leave:
i never want you to return. a lesson that i sadly learned
from someone that i loved so much
yet caused me so much grief.
you clenched your teeth behind that smile.
my love for you, you just defiled.
i hope you're happy where you are.
i tried so hard to bring you to a better place
and all i wanted to see was a joyful look upon your face.
an utterance of praise is all i want to hear
but these words just proved to be insincere.
how could you say i didn't love you?
i never put myself above you.
i sacrificed myself; i want you to go far.
i hope you're happy where you are.
...i hope you're happy where you are.
|
||||
3. |
watching you.
03:15
|
|||
|
i'm standing here with all these words just flying through my head.
waiting for them to come out, but it's just silence instead.
and now i'm thinking back on all the things i could have said
but you're not coming back so i'll just keep these thoughts inside of me...
did you live the life that you wanted to lead?
did you find what you were looking for? did you find peace?
confined into that cage. alone with just your doubt and rage.
the years pass by ; before we know it, we're grasping for more time.
i sit and wonder if this existence has left me cold and numb
searching for more meaning but forgetting where it is i'm from.
i have been a stranger to you for so very long.
blurry lines of right and wrong; i turn my back and now you're gone.
did you live the life that you wanted to lead?
did you find what you were looking for? did you find peace?
confined into that cage. alone with just your doubt and rage.
the years pass by ; before we know it, we're grasping for more time.
please don't leave me all alone, alone with all my thoughts.
this world that exists inside my mind is full of neverending strife.
please just take me to the ones...to the ones i love.
or end this pain:
my soul will float
aimlessly above this earth
just watching you...
|
||||
4. |
leave me here.
02:36
|
|||
|
we were young and carefree ; how i wanted it to be.
we never cared for what they thought.
there were no goals we really sought.
now it's not the way it was.
i never found out what's the cause of all of this
all i know is, i really miss it.
now, it got old. it's okay. i understand. you can go.
and i'll be here. doing what i can do best.
because i understand. you grew up, but i'm the same.
no one's to blame, so just look forward
but don't forget to remember it's okay.
it's okay.
it's okay, you can go, you can leave me here.
waiting here, just waiting here like the way it was before.
remember all the way back then?
we had nothing else to do. it was for fun.
it was the only thing that we could hold on to.
remember when you told me that things would never change?
i know that we're still here, but it's not really the same.
and i know i'm happy with who i am, just living day to day
but every time i think of you, i want to run away...
|
||||
5. |
fall.
02:24
|
|||
|
i was invincible...until i fell for the first time.
i waited for these wounds to heal.
the scars remain, the marks reveal
the pain i used to feel
and how i've fallen time and time again.
take a look inside my mind
as i retrace the steps i took:
i desecrate the empty pages
of a neverending book.
pen in hand, i turn the page
ready to start the story of my life
...but i write nothing.
so i rip it out, tear it to shreds
and think of what to write again.
the more i've fallen on the ground
the more i've lost, the less i've found.
the more i think, "what have i done?"
the more i've lost, the less i've won.
i let the past catch up to me.
...this empty page is all i see.
|
||||
6. |
barely awake.
02:18
|
|||
|
fading...into endless dream:
this fantasy is my reality.
is this something i really need?
a jaded view: to good to be true.
i realize that looking through these blurry eyes
i see more than i have ever before.
it seems that all our problems start to disappear when we are
barely awake.
recalling words spoken to me:
echoes of a recurring theme.
your pleasant face is all i see
i wake up-it was just a dream.
with all this weight just bearing down,
grinding me into the ground,
it feels like i'm already dead.
as i drift into serenity,
i finally start to realize that i'm
barely awake.
fading...into endless dream:
this fantasy is my reality.
is this something i really need?
a jaded view: to good to be true.
struggling to find the truth
we lose ourselves to life
along the way.
the peace that is found in our sleep?
gone, as we wake up to another day.
|
||||
7. |
prove me wrong.
02:13
|
|||
|
i'm sorry for what i did to you.
i'm sorry for what i failed to do.
i didn't mean what i said the other day.
and i'm kicking myself unmercifully.
you're better than i'll ever be.
the words just seemed to come out the wrong way.
and i hope you find it in yourself to forgive me,
and when i'm like this
just tell me when i'm wrong.
i know that you know best.
it's better that you let me know
before i destroy myself in the process.
it's all for my own good, so try to prove me wrong.
just seal it up and lock the door
before i hurt you anymore.
i'm sorry that it had to be this way.
i'm sorry for what i did to you.
i'm sorry for what i failed to do.
i didn't mean what i said the other day.
you'll never look at me the same;
i only have myself to blame.
it's obvious, i really need to change.
you're probably thinking to yourself
i don't deserve a second chance.
but i hope you see the good in me
upon a second glance.
this time, i really thought it through.
i'd risk it all to start off new.
i know what i will have to do
but i know it has to start with you.
so tell me when i'm wrong.
i know that you know best.
it's better that you let me know
before i destroy myself in the process.
it's all for my own good
so try to prove me wrong.
just seal it up and lock the door
before i hurt you anymore.
i'm sorry that it had to be this way.
|
||||
8. |
the cycle.
02:22
|
|||
|
voices lost to the exchange of heated words the night before.
i cannot sleep-the guilt, it kills me;
the sound of crying in the other room
two seconds of silence pierces my ears
i block it out with this wall of sound.
decaying from consequences of audible violence
the fear is surrounding me.
i turn my back towards you
i won't accept apologies made in vain.
i made the promise to myself:
i'll never be like you.
i'll never be like you...
sincere intent to provide a better life;
ideals are memories that can no longer be achieved.
living a nightmare that was once a dream
peace distorted into agony.
tell me, have you saved me from a fate we don't deserve?
because now you're all alone.
your house is not my home.
save me from this place
i am not welcome anymore.
relinquished from elation as we're locked inside this door.
deliver me from agony
a tragedy overlooking those that yearn for so much more.
regression is a timely change
this time, my life will never be the same.
i broke a promise to myself,
"i'll never be like you."
because now, i'm just like you.
|
||||
9. |
rest.
02:49
|
|||
|
one more day.
one more story.
adding words to this run-on sentence
this life neverends.
i'm waiting to rest.
contentment fades;
i'm done with pretending.
this plastered grin on my face starts to crumble
did you seal my fate?
am i one big mistake?
is anything so meaningless
to a soul that just ceased to exist?
i won't let this be meaningless...
staring at a blank reflection:
the light just shoots from random directions
(i) drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness.
how can i possibly live with this life
that neverends?
your words are bullets that rip through my flesh
so just line me up with the rest
and put this sack over my head
just let it end...
|
||||
10. |
(untitled).
01:16
|
|||
|
should i be surprised?
back to this place i know too well...
i can't even bear to look at myself in the eye right now.
this is my home:
the same old song, sung in the dark
inside my empty room.
just me.
and yes, no longer am i left to wonder.
and yet, i'm sitting here just left to wonder, "why?"
the weight is lifted from my chest;
my arms and legs no longer stretch from east to west
by this device i built inside my head.
i am now free
but really? am i really? am i free
when all i see are past mistakes
that flash inside my mind so randomly?
a vivid picture painted by a mind that can't forget.
a constant question of who i'd be if we had never met
so i move on...
separate from this empty mental state.
i turn away
opposite mistakes that i made yesterday
and the day before
until i can't remember anymore
because that's just me.
...and i'm all i'll ever be.
|
||||
11. |
sanctuary.
03:10
|
|||
|
i'm locked inside this room full of empty words.
these walls confine my screams for help
but no one is concerned.
digging deep into my thoughts,
searching for the key.
will the answers come to me eventually?
please, let me go...
staring out this window: a clear infinite sky.
my life comes to a screeching halt
yet, time passes me by.
an ironic comparison-
the scorn will always last.
disposing of a future, reminded of my past.
my ears are filled with laughter
i am shameful.
i am wrong.
the guilt drives me into the ground.
a place where i belong is all i yearn for
all i dream for, all i want to see
devoid of doubt,
of fear,
of fault:
my own sanctuary.
|
||||
12. |
empty home.
02:45
|
|||
|
i wake up in this empty home.
i wake up, and i'm all alone.
why didn't you tell me you were gone...?
i have been waiting for so long.
i never really knew you
i don't want to say goodbye.
i closed myself off from you, it's so difficult to try.
will you please forgive me?
i still want you in my life.
i never really knew you
i don't want to say goodbye.
i want to accept the thing you tried to give to me:
a second chance-
one more redemptive opportunity.
please, i don't want to feel so alone.
|
||||
13. |
10:39.
02:10
|
|||
|
every day, i wonder how i would have turned out
if i hadn't done the things i did the day before.
i sit alone and think if i did the right thing;
if my decisions could have, should have
meant anything more.
if i didn't do it, who would i be?
i ask if this is really me.
i contemplate this life and wonder if i'm truly free.
the end of doubt-the end of shame
the end of taking all the blame.
but until then, i'm waiting for your voice to say my name.
every day i look around
then, at the ground at my own two feet
and wonder why i look, but i don't see.
sometimes, i choose to walk alone
but i don't complain, because i know
that there are people in this world that are less fortunate than me.
what excuses have i left to say?
when i look at myself at the end of the day
i wonder if it was really supposed to happen this way.
so many nights staring at the ceiling;
i try to understand why there's just emptiness i feel inside.
i try to fight this hollow feeling.
please help me to see the truth...
i'm waiting for the day where i don't have to turn away.
i'd look into your eyes and say that everything's ok.
but until then, i'm waiting...
|
||||
14. |
start over.
02:06
|
|||
|
first impressions were always what i feared the most.
self humiliation's joined by 1000 apologies.
i'd wish i could turn back time to do things right
and start all over again
but it doesn't work that way.
it just doesn't work that way.
because i have nothing to say
for all the stupid mistakes that i make.
and i have no excuse for the effort that i don't produce.
so go away, just leave me alone
i'll figure this out on my own
until next time...
often, i laugh at how stupid i sound
whenever i brag or boast. i wonder
if i'm compensating for feelings of inferiority.
these defense mechanisms cannot possibly cope
for all the introspective betrayals
and a cold, hard look at reality.
|
||||
15. |
neverend.
03:20
|
|||
|
there was a time when i thought that this life would neverend
but later i realized that i had to stop playing this game of pretend.
is there anything left for me now?
when all i've ever done was wonder why and how
this world won't stop without me and this life is passing by.
i'm seeing my existence fade before my eyes:
this life is breaking me
and it's taking me into a state of isolation.
this life is all i've known
and now i'm all alone and all that's left
is desolation.
do you remember back when we thought that this life would neverend?
we blinded our eyes from the pain with these lies;
i never imagined that i'd lose a friend.
|
||||
16. |
yujin13.
02:42
|
|||
|
this is it: the time of year i stop and start to think
of what i've done, and failed to do; my heart, it starts to sink
as names and faces, words and places circle in my mind
until an image of your likeness is all that i can find.
what is it that attracts me to that feeling of uncertainty?
waiting, wishing, hoping, longing is all i've ever known.
all the thoughts i've shared with you: a treasure you deserved.
i give this gift of life to you, and i don't expect anything in return.
as i stand here in the night, i can see my foggy breath
as i'm thinking of your face.
all these people at my side; people that i call my friends
so why do i feel so alone?
well, it's ok. do what you must. i'll take that risk, i'll sacrifice.
i'll keep giving you my life, it's all i've ever known.
so i'll continue wiith this task of killing myself deep inside
so you can find the one small thing
the one small thing that keeps you alive.
|
||||
yujin13 Chula Vista, California
the angels are already in heaven.
lux et vitae
yujin13 recommends:
Echoes of The [CON•TACT] Zer0 Mind ; B / W
go to album
The Latin Mass begins. Bidding the Church of the New World a merciless farewell with the well - placed precision strike of The Sword.
go to albumIf you like yujin13, you may also like:
Another perfect release from contemporary emo powerhouse Run for Cover records.
go to album
We'll Hide Away: Complete Recordings 1993-1995
by Grain
In the early ’90s, the Ohio band were champions of boundary-crossing Midwestern hardcore.
go to album
Bluest Year
by Girl and Her Bad Mood
Girl and Her Bad Mood are a dreampop band from Indonesia who excel at nestling heartbreakingly beautiful melodies amidst silvery guitars.
go to album
v/a The Things That Shaped Us Together
by Various Artist
This outstanding compilation of bands from Indonesia puts a focus on atmospheric pop and rock music, with hooks 20-stories high.
go to album
