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yujin13. (rain)

by yujin13

/
1.
i wrote a letter to the world, folded inside a paper plane. i flew it out the window in the sky ; watched it bombarded by the rain. un-crumpled slowly in front of me were smudges on a soggy page. now everything i wanted to communicate to you are words that i can no longer say. and now the place that i used to rest my head is a place i am no longer welcome to stay. i spoke a poem to the moon : a whispered , soft soliloquy. my voice carried off into outer space and touched another galaxy. cross my fingers ; hope the God responds this time bestow my prayer unto me. release a wish from the tip of my lips : a vision of what i want this world to be...
2.
death. 02:58
water droplets trickled down my window darting down like a falling star ; so close , yet so very far... what was mine was yours. but what was mine? and what's just too good to be true? i'd rather be lonely tonight. you're slipping away from my sight. i'm so tired of losing. i'm losing myself in your mind. i'm so tired of waiting ; of waiting for the right time. if not me , then who? if not now , then when? because it might not come again. the smell of the rain says the year's almost gone. it's already gone. your smile can hide so many things , but the words you're saying do not match the look on your face. i know the truth ; it ain't always pretty so just cut at my neck with your eyes. i'm not here to stop you. i've done all i can and i stand as i'm watching you go. it hurts to hold on. the hurt neverends. i say "goodbye , never see you again..." i'm so tired of losing. i'm losing myself in your mind. i'm so tired of waiting ; of waiting for the right time. if not me , then who? if not now , then when? because it might not come again. the smell of the rain says the year's almost gone. it's already gone.
3.
michael. 02:41
the voices : they echoed deep inside my mind when i closed my eyes. lucifer whispers into your ear : "give in to the fear.." kid , you're a star. don't let them tell you you're not. and don't you ever think they're all that you've got. i know they're all watching me , waiting for me. they anticipate for the blood to bleed. any hesitation ; a sign of regret. but no matter how bright the light will shine , the dead will stay dead. doubt. judgement. failure. losing all trust. your words , they mean nothing. i know where i'm from. doubt. judgement. failure. losing all trust. don't think that you know me and where i come from. i will live life alone , because this life is my own. when you might feel alone , know you're never alone. you're never alone. i want you to know that you're never alone.
4.
seeds. 03:35
i changed the words to that song so many times and even then , so many times i've felt the same. so now it's time for us to go away. i know now that it's time. we're growing up. we grow apart , day after day. and i remember...always remember you. do you know if the tears rolling down my face mean joy? do they mean pain? are they the same? does the song you showed to me still mean anything since the first time you showed it to me? is the light inside the same color i see? do you still like listening? and i remember...always remember you. tears can not bring back what we once had. i won't waste anymore time being sad. tears will not bring back what we once had. i can't waste anymore time feeling sad. and i remember...always remember you.
5.
candles. 02:42
burn away this wick of disappointment. pour the wax until i don't feel anything. unless i let the rain extinguish my inner flame i know your game...and i'm not gonna play. and yet i know the missing piece is bound to surface. the questions, 'who?' 'when?' 'how?'and 'why?' remain. which path will we choose? how much will we lose? and what's to gain? the final destination is the same. and all through life is neverending pain. who is keeping score? we wonder what's in store and who is to blame. i don't want to be with anybody anymore.
6.
visions. 03:28
i hope you found the world within the pain i caused us both. i saw the universe within your soul ; yet so untouchable. and endlessly , and aimlessly , we wander , float , and weave between dimensions of infinite possibility. i'm so sorry. i ruined everything. i am the ordinary son , forever running straight towards the sun. i hope the words we shared to each other don't die in vain. i only ever want the good memories to remain. it is now that i realize what i was searching for this whole time i can find in my own heart , and soul , and mind. i'm so sorry. i ruined everything. i am the ordinary son , forever running straight towards the sun. words on pages , occupying space and time , echoing into the sky , waiting for the rain to go away until the next time it comes again another day. words on pages , occupying space and time , echoing into the sky , praying for the pain to go away until the next time... [end pt i]
7.
(sound)

about

death befalls the eyes that once gazed longingly upon the tower ; a prison of the heart and soul now a pile of dust washed away by the falling of divine water from the sky. the light of a new life peeking subtly behind trickles of despair like drops of rain upon a window. let the pain touch the face like a cool drizzle. open the heart to this pain and cast this wish for the sake not of a promise , but the possibility , of joy once again.

the first six sound audiofilm in a series of three.

credits

released August 25, 2018

word and sound by yujin13.

instruments recorded and mixed by david choate at the library in san diego, ca between december 2017 and august 2018.

vocals recorded by aaron ruiz at memory lounge in san ysidro, ca.

blessed be the light and all it shines upon.

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all rights reserved

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yujin13 Chula Vista, California

the angels are already in heaven.

lux et vitae

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